Trifecta of self-amusement

Three things that have made me laugh out loud to myself in the last two days:

1. I was taking the Red Line to work when I just happened to look up from my book and glance out the window. This wouldn't have been anything special, but there, on top of an apartment building rooftop sat a lone treadmill. This wasn't a special garden or patio rooftop. It was your run-of-the-mill black tar-paper rooftop. The treadmill was obviously used for exercise, as it had been reinforced so it wouldn't slide off. I couldn't keep cracking up as I imagined some guy who looked like Uncle Eddie on Christmas Vacation running and waving at the trains with one hand and sluggin' back a PBR in the other. I couldn't contain my snickering. The guy riding behind me noticed, and the more I cracked up, the more he did. It was beautiful.

2. SAME TRAIN RIDE!!! This tall, lanky guy--mid to late twenties--gets on the train and sits down next to me. He doesn't smell. He takes up his alotted space and ONLY his alotted space, but his status as pleasant riding companion ended there. It was something like 8 o'clock in the morning, and the guy pulls out a plastic baggy filled with nuts. He then proceeds to start shoveling them into his mouth by the fist. All I could smell was the earthy smell of nuts, and I couldn't be grossed out because I could only think about how hilarious it was that he was literally squirreling them away, filling his cheeks like he wouldn't have another meal until winter passed.

3. Tonight we went out for dinner. Our waiter had a thick french accent. All I could hear from then on was Franc the wedding planner in Father of the Bride. He started telling us about the specials and proceeded to tell us about the "one pound lobster," only because of his accent, I hear "a big whompin' lobster." I was nearly in tears trying not to burst into laughter. Two glasses of wine later, I heard him announce this to two more tables. I had to leave. That was it. I couldn't quit thinking about the big whompin' lobster.